Velma's

 

Once upon a time about 3 years ago I moved out, drove 800 miles, and decided I should probably go to college. I previously worked at Papa Murphey’s and had little to no money at all and no place to live. So where have I been living for the last three years…..my grandma’s basement. I gotta say I scored the jackpot on this basement, but I didn’t know it at the time. This isn’t just any old basement, this basement is Velma. Velma is one unique piece of house and here is why:

First and foremost I must tell you how Velma got her name. Velma is actually our refrigerator, but she is more than just an inanimate object She speaks…or buzzes but same diff. About every 40 minutes, without fail, Velma chimes in with a very long, loud, BUZZ! So, basically I hear loud and clear about every 40 minutes that Velma owns the place, and I am just visiting. And that is how grandma’s basement got the name Velma.

The ceramic stash and bookcase full of knowledge.

 

Have you ever tried throwing a sticker away? Ya it sucks. So, after I’m done competing, I come home and rip the sticker off my spandex and just slap it on the wall.

 

THE RACK. that’s it.

 

Last but not least, probably the best part of Velma, is … the pole!

it just takes a little practice.

 I am the furthest thing from an artist but that doesn't keep me from painting. Every so often we have an art night at Velma's(my house)and beautiful things are created by everybody in the room besides me. Oh well, I love it nonetheless. These pictures are proof that all it takes is a little practice.

  This is my very first painting: 

   This is my second painting: 

      Practice most certainly does make better.

Confessions of an American Idol Failure: Part 2

 

Back to regular life for me it was. Back to school from 8am to 2pm, practice from 2pm to 5pm and then homework and sleep after that! Back to life with no monies, barely any food, and no Usher. SUCKFEST! This can’t be it for me? I can’t peak at 18, right? This is not good enough! You could say I got a little greedy and I just wanted more! I want to me Ellen. I want to kiss Usher again. I just want more. I need to figure out how to meet Ellen again. How will I be able to get Ellen’s attention? 

BING!

light bulb. Dude, I will try out for American Idol! Ellen was a judge on the show the previous year, and she totally watches it every week. She has contestants who get kicked off on the show all the time. Now all I have to do is try out and hopefully make it on T.V. and I know if Ellen see’s me she will invite me back to the show! This is a stretch, but it might actually work. I mean anything is freakin possible! ANYTHING.EVERYTHING.WHATEVER YOU WANT. is possible. It really is all your world. So I waited till the next summer and tried out for American Idol in San Diego.

My Audition.

I got a golden ticket!! WHAT?? THAT JUST HAPPENED. A couple months later it was time for me to fly to Hollywood. My flight was scheduled at the beginning of finals week. I just told all my professors what was going on and I got to take all my finals early and then I flew to LA on December 11, 2012. Then I went home on the evening of the 12^th. My Hollywood week was short lived, I got cut the very first round. The exact words Jennifer Lopez said to me were, “ Ali, I am sorry but this is the end of the road for you.” OUCH!! Being rejected really sucks. I kind of got my hopes up, only for them to get crunched. I gave myself that day to cry it out and then I knew I would get over it, and I did….wait, wasn’t the whole point of me auditioning for American idol to get back on the Ellen Show? Totally! There is still a chance. The San Diego episode aired early, right after the super bowl. I still didn’t even know if they would show my audition…but they did! I was on the television from commercial to commercial, and I tried out with freakin Jim Carry’s daughter and she was on right after me! Jim Carry totally watched me on TV.

SUCCESS!!

Now all I have to do is wait for Ellen to see it and call me back hopefully. A little over a month later I get a call for The Ellen Show and they was to fly me out for unknown reasons again! I got to meet Ellen again on TV! It worked! My plan worked! AHHHH! But that’s not all, Ellen sends me to the Academy of Country Music Awards this time.

COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS

The last words Ellen spoke to me were, “Ali, you did such a good job, we will have to think of something else for you to do.” This was almost a year ago. What now? What in the heck does a girl do after something like that? I guess you will have to wait, follow, read, and find out.

Confessions of an American Idol Failure: Part 1

 

For the few of you that might read this, my name is Ali Shields but they call me Albert.

It all started when I moved out on my own after high school. I wrote down my bucket list and started to cross things off, (inspired by spending way too much time watching The Buried Life over summer). Just to preface: number one on my list is to be on The Ellen Show. Come September of year 2010 my bestie Katie Weeks calls and tells me that she got tickets to The Ellen Show on November 11th and she's inviting me. Are you freaking kidding me? Is this for reals? AHHHHHHHHHHH!! The odds of me crossing off number one on the list went up by 1%! So now there is a .5% chance that I could get on The Ellen show, but how?

BING!

light bulb. I will write a song saying when I will be at the show and plea in my song to meet Ellen! ya?.... ya! So that is exactly what I did. On November 1, 2010 I published my first video on youtube and sent it in to The Ellen Show. I mean what the heck? I will never have to ask myself "what if?” because at least I tried. Here is the song I made:

 

So, finally November 11^th comes and I am sitting in the audience at The Ellen Show, thinking that she probably never saw my video but I don’t care because I Am Here! Ellen comes out from backstage and starts her monologue when something very strange happens. Ellen starts talking…..about me. Ali Shields. On national television. It didn’t hit me until I saw my face on the big screen.

That just happened. You could say I was beyond giddy. If you ever wondered what pure happiness looks like, you can see it all over my face. BOOM! Number One is now crossed off. Check.
........................
 

But it didn’t end there! A week later “Ellen’s people” called me and said that they wanted to fly me out to the show the next morning, I had no clue why but I didn’t ask any questions. I just drove my little bum to the airport the next morning with carry-on in hand and about peed my pants the whole way to L.A. To my surprise I got to meet Ellen again on T.V. and she said she wanted to send me to the red carpet at the AMA’s that weekend! She put me up in the Universal Sheraton Hotel and I stayed there till the following Sunday. I pretty much wore the same clothes all weekend because I didn’t think I was going to stay there, but I would wear the same clothes for a year if I got another experience like this! Note: Ellen gave me the dress, both shoes, and the jewelry to wear and I got to keep it all! Score.

 

For all you girls that haven’t been kissed out there, no worries! Your prince charming will come. Mine just happened to be Usher. BOOM BABY!

To be continued...

                       -LOVE albert